Texas woman says husband hid $2,600/month raise — but The Ramsey Show says a ‘crack’ led to his financial cheating

Beth from Texas is having a “little conflict” with her husband after finding out he’s been secretly stashing away an extra $2,600 in income every month.

The couple, who’ve been married 23 years, the second marriage for both of them, had been taking an “allowance” from their paychecks and depositing the rest into a joint account to pay bills and pay down their debt. About two-and-a-half years ago, Beth says she became disabled and her only income is Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI).

“But his income grew and he never told me,” she told The Ramsey Show [1]. When she found out and confronted him, he “refused to pause it or put any of the extra money toward the bills.”

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Here’s why cohosts Jade Warshaw and Ken Coleman agree this one “crack” allowed a situation like this to happen — and what the couple can do about it.

Joint accounts vs. separate accounts

The point of combining finances as a couple is “complete transparency and trust,” Warshaw said. And that’s where there’s a “hiccup” in this couple’s money management strategy.

A Bankrate study found that, among couples in the U.S. who are married or live together, 43% have joint accounts, while 34% have both joint and separate accounts and 23% only have separate accounts [2].

Another study, from LendingTree, found that 62% of couples share at least one joint account — and those who share an account tend to have fewer financial issues in their relationship than those who don’t [3].

However, the same study found that 17% of respondents “have hid money from a significant other and 6% have hid debt,” while 9% have hid both.

Many couples fight about money, but when one partner intentionally hides their spending, savings or debt, that’s another matter altogether. And for some Americans, financial infidelity is just as bad as an affair.

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Signs of financial infidelity

Financial infidelity might involve making covert purchases, hiding loans or debts, or keeping a secret savings account or credit card (making it easier to hide spending). Ultimately, this can undermine trust in the relationship.

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Another Bankrate survey found that 2 in 5 Americans in committed relationships have committed financial infidelity [4]. And 45% believe financial infidelity is at least as bad as an affair.

Beth’s husband is one of 15% of Americans who say they’ve kept or are keeping a secret savings account [4].

There are a number of reasons for financial infidelity, such as feeling ashamed about one’s spending habits or debts, particularly if they’re problematic (like a shopping addiction). Some may want to feel like they still have control or autonomy over their money, which is what Warshaw suspects is happening with Beth’s husband.

While her husband shouldn’t have been duplicitous, “there is an unhealthiness in how the money is being handled also on your end,” Warshaw said. He goes to work all day and then hands over his check to his spouse who then gives him an allowance.

“I can tell you adults don’t like being treated like children,” she said.

Managing shared finances

Warshaw suggests that Beth and her husband move all their money into one joint account — no accounts off to the side — and decide together how they will manage their money.

There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to manage shared finances. Some couples may prefer to have a joint account for bills while maintaining separate accounts. But making this work requires openness and transparency.

For example, Beth isn’t fully aware of how her husband is spending that extra $2,600, so transparency is a starting point. If they do decide to maintain separate accounts in addition to a joint account, they may want to share their login information to ensure that transparency.

From there, they can create a budget: adding up how much they bring in each month (including his extra $2,600) and then subtracting fixed expenses like mortgage or rent payments and household bills. From there, they can decide how much they’ll set aside in savings and how much they each have left over for ‘fun.’

For couples with high-interest debt, make a plan to pay off that debt as quickly as possible, such as using the snowball or avalanche method — and for keeping debt away.

A budget is a living thing. Couples might want to consider scheduling weekly or monthly money meetings to see if the budget is working (or if anything has changed in their circumstances) and if any tweaks should be made.

They don’t necessarily have to split everything 50/50. One spouse may be more of a saver, while the other is more of a spender. They aren’t necessarily going to be perfectly aligned on how to manage their money, so they’ll have to come up with a budget that works for each of them.

But when it comes to financial infidelity, it’s more than a money matter. Beth said her husband didn’t tell her about the money because he said “you’d take all my money.” So, there are trust and control issues at play here, too.

If these conversations are difficult, it could help to talk to a counselor or even a financial advisor.

In this case, Coleman believes it is a “marriage problem” and Beth needs to find out “pretty quick” if her husband is willing to fix it.

“Both of you come to the table, own both of your stuff,” he said, “and see if [you] can have a clear path forward.”

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[1]. The Ramsey Show. “My husband has been hiding extra income from me”

[2]. Bankrate. “Should couples have a separate or joint bank account?”

[3]. LendingTree. “Sharing bank accounts could lead to fewer fights — but most Americans aren’t fully committed”

[4]. Bankrate. “Survey: 2 in 5 Americans in a relationship have kept a financial secret from their partner?”

This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.

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